January 26th, 2009
For the most part of my life, I’ve never let a guy in. I’ve never trusted, never cared to trust. I’ve always been me no matter what & no one made me that. Two years ago, I met him. His name is Julian Gilliam. This man was different, he set me free. He made me a happy person, made me better. I opened up.
We share so many memories: walking in the snow, rain, both proms, heart shaped pancakes, pink roses instead of red, our love for art, picnics, laying under the stars, falling asleep in eachothers arms, making it through college, basketball lectures, writing poems, food fights, bowling, wrestling in the living room &on the futon, crankin that superman, plan b, elephant bar, victoria’s secret, “firsts”, sledding, getting a ticket, castlewood, vashon, making love. Most of all being there through the times that we need it the most.
Today, I sit here crushed. My heart is in a thousand pieces, and I can almost physically feel the pain. This whole time I thought I didn’t need anyone, and I didn’t realize I did until he left.
I put him through so much, hurt him. I acted like I didn’t care, and finally he believed me. I thought I wanted to go out, party, have fun..live my life. But, I was blinded, I wanted to share it with him the whole time. And I didn’t see until now, that loving him is all I wanted to do.
12506; remembered.