LostLogik

For the most part of my life, I’ve never let a guy in. I’ve never trusted, never cared to trust. I’ve always been me no matter what & no one made me that. Two years ago, I met him. His name is Julian Gilliam. This man was different, he set me free. He made me a happy person, made me better. I opened up.

We share so many memories: walking in the snow, rain, both proms, heart shaped pancakes, pink roses instead of red, our love for art, picnics, laying under the stars, falling asleep in eachothers arms, making it through college, basketball lectures, writing poems, food fights, bowling, wrestling in the living room &on the futon, crankin that superman, plan b, elephant bar, victoria’s secret, “firsts”, sledding, getting a ticket, castlewood, vashon, making love. Most of all being there through the times that we need it the most.

Today, I sit here crushed. My heart is in a thousand pieces, and I can almost physically feel the pain. This whole time I thought I didn’t need anyone, and I didn’t realize I did until he left.

I put him through so much, hurt him. I acted like I didn’t care, and finally he believed me. I thought I wanted to go out, party, have fun..live my life. But, I was blinded, I wanted to share it with him the whole time. And I didn’t see until now, that loving him is all I wanted to do.

12506; remembered.

I’m back online and I will begin posting often, I’m going to update the blog soon with a new domain and design!

Check back soon!

Yesterday (Feb 28th 2008), I found out my Aunt Brenda was diagnosed with lung cancer. She has been smoking since she was 16 years old and she is now around the age of 62. That is a long time to be chain smoking and it has unfortunately caught up with her. She is the twin of my grandmother and my grandmother had heart surgery due to smoking a few years ago, yet she still smokes… I know it’s a very addicting addiction, but damn.

These two women have kept my family together ever since I can remember. They give home to all and turn down no one. They make sure everyone is happy before themselves. The love they show is often taken for granted and when their lives are on the line, it’s ridiculous how now everyone starts to realize how much they mean to them. My cousin Brandon doesn’t know his mom has cancer yet since no one has told him. My aunt Brenda, his mom doesn’t want to tell him yet. I feel bad for my cousin especially since he has already lost his father a few years ago.

I love my Grandma Linda and my Aunt Brenda. They are the heart of the family.


Julian

Today she went to the high school basketball game, everything seemed fine, I was playing basketball here at school, told her I’d call her in a few.  I called her when I was done, it was close to 10pm.  She seemed down so I immediately asked if everything was ok and it wasnt.  But she was doing her homework and couldnt talk because she was around her mom and sister. So it was about them.  So I said call me when you get a chance.  I texted her like 5 minutes later saying that she seemed really down and concerned… but she kinda got a little attitude with me… which she doesnt do often, but something must have been really bothering her.  She texted me like a hour or so later saying she didnt feel like talking and was going to sleep.  So I called her and she wouldnt tell me what was wrong and was getting irritated. And got mad I kept asking what was wrong so I just let her go.  She says its something really serious and she hasnt told me.  I dont sleep too early much so Im going to be sitting here in anticipation on what is wrong…. SIGH.

I hope everything is ok

12506

Life has been rough for Angela and I…some worse than others, no doubt.  We cry, we talk, we laugh, we hold, we love, we fight, we smile, we are together at the end of the day.  We have love for one another that neither one us of can describe thoroughly.

We both have this fantasy planned out for our relationship that we are both excited and scared for at the same time.  We get the feeling that we are too young and we are more than ready at the same time.

When it all boils down, we are in love and in love we shall be.  Love is our ‘Good Life’ while everything on the outside seems to be the worse of the worse.

I love her soo much and I know she loves me. 12506 - 10708 -  forever…

This doesn’t feel right with him gone.
I feel like a part of me is missing..Just a few days ago we were playing monopoly and laughing with eachother and now he’s 100 odd miles away. On top of it I won’t see him for a month. I miss him already

I’ve been here for almost 20 days and Angela and I have caught up so much.  The reason we love each other has become clearer once again.  We laugh and joke and tease just as we used to before I left.  Things seem back to normal.  The only thing is I have to leave 15 days early because of basketball.  It sucks because everything is so perfect… ya know? I am going to be Cape with the basketball team and no one else. Just sitting in my dorm room on the computer and playing the game.

I’ll miss the hell out of her. I really will.  I love her to death and we have so much in common and we click… it amazing. But our grade levels is the the thing that makes it hard but strengthens it at the same time.

I just simply Love Angela

12five06 -123007-forever

OMG, one year went by so fast…

It started with when we were on the computer after my basketball game, well she was at her house and I was at mine and I typed to her “Check your facebook” it was a relationship request…lol. So dorky… anyways she got me. After that night she told me some things that were asked by these guys that were hitting on her at my game.

Angela: haha tell me why these roosevelt boys were tryin ta hit on me today
Julian Gilliam: fareal
Julian Gilliam: what they say?
Angela: they were jus like “say lil mama come here” so i walked over there and they were like “can i get a number or somethin, u mad cute” i was like “you want my number? check out number12″ lol they were like “…ooo…”

After that I knew I had her but she did not know I felt the same for her.

In high school, it was not ideal for a senior who I’ve heard from her and other people did what I did and get into a relationship with a sophomore. I am glad that I did not follow the immature rules of high school and it was one of the best decisions of my life. Asking Angela out :).

It has been a year filled with laughs and screams, smiles and frowns, best fillings in the world and heartaches, but when it is all in one big picture, it was one of the best years of my life. We have grown so much since last year as individuals and as a couple.

I love and care for her so much. I am happy she is my other half.

12506-12507-forever

I love you Angela Diane Waterson

Everything…. thats the end of this blog. Self explanatory. Maybe Ill make a part II in a day or two.

It’s been almost a year for us.. we’ve been through some ish, let me tell yah..

lately i’ve been stressed. about alot, and i mean ALOT.. the fam, volleyball, trying to keep up with our relationship, grades, friends, EVERYTHING..

sorry if i seem down. i really don’t want to but it is hard when you are stressed out. Julian I just want you to know that there isn’t anything “wrong”.. im just goin through stuff right now. I love you baby, please stick by me through the hard times.